today is my favorite day.... (not)

So here I am... pathetic as hell writting to myself to sort out the mess that I like to call my feelings. So yesterday was quite a day... as was the day before.. what a wonderful week I am having...of course since it is me I am writting to I realize that is totally intended to be sarcastic. Nice that my husband hates all of my friends... not one person I have ever gotten along with seems to be worthy of his acceptance. When I was close with Brandie.. she sucked of course.. I am sure because she is a strong woman who doesn't cower to the ever almighty power of men. Can't think of any other reason.... god forbid someone live their life a little differently than we do. Dereck.. now he was one hubby has always approved of... the husband of a friend who I don't get super along with.. it drives me nuts how she allows herself to be treated like some domestic slave... guess that is hubby's idea of an ideal situation or something. I am sure that sometimes looking in on me looks sort of the same.... although I really like to think not near to the extent. Thanks hubby for informing me yesterday too that you don't 'get along that well' with my family.. to anyone else besides myself reading this... for the record.. hubby has never seemed not to get along with them.. they have always been very nice to him... have always encouraged me to support him in anything he feels he wants to do.. have always talked about how lucky I am to have found such a man.. yeah..hehe..lucky me!!!! I found someone who hates anything that I like. I found someone who can't help but blow up and push me, yell at me and make me feel like I am some sort of shit smeltering at the bottom of the world. I found someone who refuses to seek any sort of counselling help.. and only went back on his pills because I threatened to leave if he didn't. Of course he didn't need them... must have been me just setting him off for fun eh. Oh.. and thank you to the 'just get away' theory for whoever thought of that one.. it is super handy for a hubby who dislikes spending any sort of quality time with his family. Yay lucky me. "please hubby..stop taking exhorbant amounts of cash out to blow on stupid things" NOPE...can't be why we are short money..it's because me (bad wifey) spent 50 bucks on something I wanted for the kitchen...shame shame. No job wifey who spends all dam day with her two kids (one who is autistic) cooking and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning..breaking up fights..fixing cuts and scrapes..trying to teach her poor autistic child to cope with the world around him. how dare I spend his hard earned money when I have no money to contribute. Although... good point dear hubby that a few week ends back I requested 60 dollars out of the account for in your wallet... that is afterall the money that I spent on our week end retreat away.. The week end that I busted my ass to get ready for and arrange. I begged my parents (who by the way..are just not good enough for though) to come and watch my kids...got everything ready beforehand so that they could.. made sure we could afford a hotel by wheeling and dealing and then finding a free stay for night two at my (once again not worthy) parents place. good point that I did once ask you if taking 60 0ut would be ok. Totally comparable to taking money out and blowing it without so much as a "by the way" to your wife. argh. Dear god... please give me the strength to get through this 'phase' bring back the man I fell in love with and married... I miss him. To anyone reading this.. it wasn't always like this... and it isn't always like this now... when I first married my hubby he was a super sweet heart. He bought be flowers.. took me shopping now and again (I have never been a real big shopper) stayed up at night to talk to me..cuddled me and always told me he loved me. I really miss those days. I really thought the week end I arranged would bring better times... it lasted for about 4 days...then he was back to grumpy mcgrumpso gills. God I miss my husband.